Hey, don’t roll your eyes. These words here? Serious as a heart attack, I swear.
So, we just got this second trailer! I was quite literally staring at the moon for months, waiting for it. Yup, made a whole science out of electrocuting Nintendo’s nipples in anticipation. Don’t ask why. Anyway, we got this massive site loaded with screenshots and character bios. It’s like being forensic scientists, minus the blood and guts, poking at Trevor Phillips’ freeway victims. Graphic, yeah, but true.
But here’s the kicker—it’s not enough. Never is. GTA 6 isn’t rolling onto our screens until, drumroll please, May 2026. I’ll be in my nutty little bunker on Mount Chiliad, dissecting every crumb they toss us. Seriously, gonna put the truth gun to their heads, just like Niko did to Vlad in that GTA 4 mission. Fingers crossed for a sniff of GTA 6 trailer three.
Now, some might say, “Wait, two trailers aren’t enough?” Hogwash, I say. We’re talking about the biggest game launch since Constantinople fell and suddenly the RTS genre was born. Pfft. I’m calling BS until a third trailer lands. Protagonists, schmotagonists—if GTA 5 had three, and technically GTA 4 too, we need that trilogy magic. Rockstar knows we’re suckers for a trio.
Tell me why I’ve watched trailer two an excessive amount of times this week. Oh, right, this wild idea that trailer two harbors secrets about trailer three. Ridiculous? Maybe. So, it kicks off with a joke. Rockstar’s poking fun at leaks. I giggled like an idiot; yeah, they got me. They know we’re digging for clues.
Then—no joke—there’s a raccoon rummaging in the trash. I instantly Googled raccoon mating seasons. January to March, people. Is that when trailer three might be born? Talk about trashy births… maybe something will spill out soon.
Jason Duval—shirtless. No, I’m not ogling, just scientifically counting every glistening chest hair. Stood there with a ruler, searching for nipple diameter clues. Yeah, had to abandon that; dude’s too distractingly buff for my humble basement existence.
Oh, and driving plus store robbery scenes! The cash register number could be a hidden message. I’m one dial away from calling random numbers like a maniac. Sure, wasted phone bills on GTA+ subscriptions instead.
Math! Let’s go! Numbers add up to 2025, with a cheeky August wink. Nostradamus who? And the moon phases, people! August 8—waxing gibbous. My trusty old friend. It’s the holy grail of trailer predictions, or so I think. I feel like a detective, and it’s strangely thrilling.
Sign says, take exit three to 9th Avenue? Trailer three? Rockstar’s just showing off now. Another hint: a weekly billionaire? Pfft, yeah right, we’d implode from hype!
And there’s Lucia Caminos. Cue The Pointer Sisters’ ‘Hot Together.’ October 1986, their twelfth album. More numbers. Eighth producer collab; Spaceballs came out in ’87. Overthinking? Me? Never.
Suddenly realize Lucia’s, uh, movement hints at something and Jason’s like, “Let’s do this right.” Three times. Brrraapp with finger guns. Vice City, baby—three words, constantly.
Brain overload. Website poking time. Tried averaging screenshots. Numbers jab at my theory. Whatever, it’s bunk data.
Scrolling past Lucia’s bio, it reads like a cryptic treasure map with threes scattered all over. If only it made sense. Cal Hampton’s hanging at home with beers and comms—it’s a hot mess.
In the end, isn’t everything on the internet true?
