Your controller’s acting up. Yeah, it’s weird. At Radio Free Nintendo, we’re all big fans of the Big Ape. Honestly, no clue when we decided that, but it’s a thing—those Now Playing segments? Gone, but definitely not forgotten.
While writing, I got to thinking… is “The Big Ape” the right fit for Donkey Kong? I mean, why not take a detour into The Center for Great Apes’ list to see what makes an actual ape, y’know?
– Hair over fur. Hair just grows and keeps growing. DK’s got that quiff, so yeah, I’m counting it.
– Fingernails, not claws. DK’s usually got fists clenched tight, but I’ve seen ’em—fingernails are there.
– Thumbs? Yep, see those fists again.
– Big brain for his body—smart as heck. Dude can tie a tie and drive… ever seen a marmot on a rhino? Didn’t think so.
– Hold onto things—fists, again doing the heavy lifting.
– Fingerprints? No idea, not sure who’s checking.
– Binocular vision. Punching requires precision, right?
– Smell? Who knows.
I’m saying DK checks enough boxes to be a legit ape. Oh, also, this gem from The Center for Great Apes: people mix up apes and monkeys all the time. The key thing? Monkeys have tails. Apes don’t. Boom.
So, Diddy Kong? Not an ape. Sorry, buddy. Plus, he’s probably gonna kick the bucket way before DK. Ouch.
Anyway, Donkey Kong Bananza got a Direct on Wednesday. There’s gameplay, there’s story… Pauline’s back as a sidekick, but younger? This wrecks the whole DK/Pauline narrative we’ve joked about forever. But the takeaways are:
– Pauline, being human, is technically an ape too.
– Diddy, again, not an ape.
– Poor Diddy’s days are numbered.
So DK’s on the lookout for Diddy’s standby. Make of that what you will.
Then there’s James, rambling on about Fantasy Life i: The Girl Who Steals Time. The game’s a maze of systems, all about mining, crafting, and… more crafting. Honestly, help.
We needed a breather after that. Coming back, more chaos. Jon’s hoarding consoles, trading them at GameStop. Met an InfoSec guy named Steve—bug hunt of a different kind there. Greg talks Mario Kart World and F-Zero GX. Apparently, Switch 2 is big on racing games—solo mode even. Guillaume and James, testing Switch 2’s GameChat—F-Zero GX, Mario Kart World, all that jazz. Plus, the Switch 2 Pro Controller gets a whirl.
Oh! We tried some Lister Mail, marketing pitches for the companies in Mario Kart World. Send ideas our way, please.
Lastly, the whole nom de guerre thing—yeah, I tossed that in there. It’s not an epithet since I don’t call him “Donkey Kong The Big Ape.” More like a nickname. I’ll probably mix up these terms until I’m six feet under. Here’s to learning nothing.
